The Cat in the Hat On Aging

I found this Seussian poem on the Internet but can't attribute it. Oh well, Happy 2015!

I cannot see

I cannot pee

I cannot chew

I cannot screw

Oh my god, what can I do?

My memory shrinks

My hearing stinks

No sense of smell

I look like hell

My mood is bad - can you tell?

My body's drooping

Have trouble pooping

The Gold Years

have come at last

The Golden Years

can kiss my ass